by Jack Legg
FetLife is a social networking site for people interested in BDSM, fetishism, and "kink." Boasting over 6 million active members, the site describes itself as "Like Facebook, but run by kinksters like you and me." While many use the platform to facilitate in-person meetups, FetLife functions more like a social media platform than a dating site.
With numbers like that, I got curious: is the kink community a political monolith?
It didn't take long to find a proportionately smaller, but active conservative kink community. I took a deep dive, checking out numerous profile pages, discussion threads, and various groups within the right-wing fetish-sphere.
I explored various conservative FetLife groups, including:
Kinky Conservatives
Conservatives Unite
Authentic Conservatives of Kink
BDSM Conservatives
Grumpy Old Conservatives
There are hundreds of specific interest groups such as Second Amendment Girls, Politically Incorrect, and Global Politics discussion groups. Groups range in membership from a few hundred to a few thousand. Some have been active for over a decade, with older posts blending fetish content with anti-Obama sentiment, while others have cropped up in the past few years.
(There is a group called BDSM Liberals too, but... I mean. We know.)
One group declares, "This is a group for Patriots, Conservatives, Libertarians, Independents, Right Wingers and the GOP!" Another casts itself as a place for "Christians and Conservatives to come together" in their kinky play.
Some commonly listed group rules include, "NO LIBERALS ALLOWED!" and "We Welcome All Genders, Ethnic groups, All Fetishes and All Communities PROVIDED you are also a Conservative of some kind."
There are numerous warnings for any "trolls" or "social justice warriors" who may try to infiltrate the groups, with promises to delete posts and ban users without notice. True to the kinky nature of the site, many groups also include the ominous warning, "Spankings to those who break the rules..."
Several conservative kink groups mention how open and welcoming they are, even going out of their way to clarify that they support LGBTQ+ people. And yet, some of the top posts in recent weeks tell a different story. Many users shared and discussed articles from Fox News and other conservative outlets which decried the alleged deterioration of "traditional gender roles" and supported policies which require teachers to out trans students to their parents.
It's not all kink. Pinned posts include "List of 269 Companies supporting ANTIFA, Black Lives Matter" and several different boycott lists for all "LIBERAL AGENDA" companies. Mixed in with the various fetishes, there was plenty of racism and antisemitism, including one discussion thread which grieved over alleged attacks against "white men," such as the removal of statues featuring Confederate generals.
For handy reference, several kink groups provide a breakdown of "GUN LAWS BY STATE," as well as the ever-important guide, "How to delete Google search history." There is a discussion thread comparing Donald Trump to "the Establishment," and an all-caps screed entitled, "WHO CONTROLS THE ROTHSCHILDS AND ROCKEFELLERS," which outlines a longstanding antisemitic conspiracy theory about a shadowy group of "international bankers" who secretly rule the world.
(Q-Anon? More like Q "Come on over, baby!")
Alongside personal ads featuring wild sexual fantasies, some users pinned posts explaining how people should "detox" if they took the COVID vaccine. If you scroll past salacious usernames and steamy profile pics, you can find numerous posts about the "stolen" 2020 election and "methods used by the Power Elite to take your rights."
In a way, these narratives fit nicely alongside sexual fantasies of domination, submission, and varied power dynamics. (Oh yeah, Power Elite Daddy... take away those rights! I surrender, I surrender!)
While each individual has their own list of specific fetishes (both "into" and "curious about"), there is also a sense of shared purpose among the kinksters. Some users consider their own corner of the fetish community to be the latest front in the ongoing Culture War.
One user from California wrote, "We're gaining traction in a vast international body of liberals, progressives, socialists, and other fellow travelers — so it's vital that we band together, and there's no better way for that to start than to let each other know who we are... We know that you're kinky and can peruse your interests by looking at your profile. Being a conservative is what brought you to this group, so by all means, wave your flag!"
This same member listed over 2,400 separate fetishes on his personal profile, including "being a Southern Gentleman," "chivalry without misogyny," and "pinning you down and brutally f***ing you."
One user from New Jersey introduced himself to the group by saying, "Conservative, Patriot here. Firm believer in 2nd Amendment. I may be kinky and fetish filled but my blood runs red. Wife and I strong believers in Constitution. We wear our Trump hats with pride."
On his profile, he also tells all potential playmates to be aware that he is "not vaxxed" and "not jabbed" because he believes in freedom. "If you want to inject poison into you," he writes, "that's on you."
Sometimes, the kinks are a bit on-the-nose. Several users identify themselves as "ammosexual," which refers to a person who is obsessed with owning guns, or a kinkster who zealously supports the right to bear arms.
Listing himself as a dominant alpha male, one user from Kansas City, Missouri posted numerous photos of women being bound and gagged alongside stories of his lifelong fascination with chasing, capturing, and tying up girls. Among his listed fetishes: "1950s household," conservative Christian women, and "domestic servitude."
I'm not one to kink-shame. Many people enjoy consensual role play and bondage scenarios. If it revs your engine to think of June Cleaver darning a pair of socks, you can go ahead and Leave it to Beaver all day long as far as I'm concerned. Still, it's fascinating to see a person's sexual proclivities aligned so closely with their political ideals.
A user from Maryland centered his name and profile picture on the Second Amendment. His profile reads like a manifesto, ranting against tyranny and extolling the virtues of firearms. Some of his listed kinks include female snipers, body armor, patriotism, and bullet-proof vests. (Also, "eye contact," which tells you he's a romantic.)
It's not all men. Numerous female users identify as conservative kinksters. One woman from New Hampshire lists traditional family values and "1950s household" among her fetishes while posting pictures of herself covered head-to-toe in whipped cream. I must have missed that episode of Ozzie and Harriet.
Sometimes, the fetishes are more... counterintuitive.
One user from Washington identified himself as a "Conservative and Patriot," as well as a "traditional Christian." This user also posted numerous photos of himself dressed in stereotypically female clothing, listing his interests as cross-dressing, wearing corsets, and walking in high heels.
More power to him. I hope he has ample opportunity to embrace his truest self... but one might reasonably wonder why he's posting his cross-dressing photos in a group that is currently attacking the LEGO toy company for "going woke" and pushing "creepy social engineering" by indicating that some people are "transgender, have ADHD, or have gender issues."
One user in Pennsylvania chose the American flag as his profile picture, emblazoned with the message, "I stand for the flag, I kneel for the cross." After numerous references to liberty and freedom, he goes on to list caging, confinement, and restraints among his top fetishes.
Give me liberty or give me bondage! Don’t tread on me! (Unless you wanna tread on my face and call me a dirty, dirty boy.)
One conservative kinkster implied that people should keep their private views to themselves, lamenting that he keeps getting bombarded with "political BS" everywhere he goes. His page was littered with right-wing memes and political cartoons.
He also wrote, "Gays and trans people just need to figure a comfortable place that works. I don’t hate gay men... They have their place in the world... They just need to get a grip on the fact that it’s best to not intrude in other men’s space."
This same patriot lists his own fetishes, including "doing yard work nude," having "sex in broad daylight," "remote control vibrators in public places," and "f***ing you til the neighbors know my name."
Geez, Gary. Can't you keep it to yourself? Why are you intruding with your sexuality in other men's spaces?
Another user from Youngstown, Ohio posted fiery comments about all the ways liberal Leftists are attacking Christianity. Among his many fetishes, he listed "crucifixion play."
(Do you think he wants to go again three days later?)
Yet another user posted about the rising threat of Satanism, listing numerous signs which point to our cultural downfall. Our traditional gender roles are falling by the wayside! The first fetish listed on his profile? Being dominated by "dommes who wear horse cock strapons."
Many Catholic users list corporal punishment and discipline among their favorite kinks. Others vacillate between patriarchal head-of-household type fantasies and female-led "femdom" dynamics, often within the same profile.
And there is so... much... toilet stuff.
You can tell many of them are into mutual masturbation; just look at how much they enjoy Tucker Carlson's show.
What can we learn from these conservative kinksters?
1) It's okay to be open about sexuality.
One might assume these users feel free to be so open about their fetishes because of their anonymity, but that is not always the case. Some users remain anonymous. Many users show their face in the profile pictures. (Apparently, to be a "verified user" with a red check mark, one must provide at least one face pic. There were plenty of verified users.)
Some users include photos of their spouse or partner, linking directly to their significant other's FetLife page. Many provide links to their "vanilla" social media pages, such as Facebook or Instagram. Some users share revealing comments about their occupation, family, and work, life, and church habits. Most users list their town or city.
They aren't scared. They aren't closeted. They're out and proud.
2) Sexuality and gender identity are valid, though incomplete, parts of a whole person.
These conservative kinksters, these Republican rascals, these GOP Go-Getters... they are all living, breathing individuals who deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. They have feelings. They have families. They have interests and hobbies and opinions.
When expressed in a safe and healthy manner, their sexual proclivities are not a threat. It's part of who they are, and they shouldn't have to repress that aspect of their identity. I wonder if they extend to others the same dignity and respect FetLife affords to them.
3) It's hot to have a liberty fetish.
If it's safe, if it's legal, and if all parties involved have given enthusiastic and ongoing consent, people should be free to explore their sexuality, gender identity, and gender expression any way they want. The default position should always be freedom.
They can dress how they want. Accessorize how they want. Spend their time, alone or with others, the way they want.
Every conservative fetish group I explored was filled with individuals who demand the right to embody their respective kinks in ways that "shall not be infringed." Whether these users acknowledge it or not, we must demand the same for everyone.